The Stud (Quentin Masters, 1978)
"You're nothing but a working-class bum in Gucci shoes"
Filed somewhere between soft-porn and shite, the Collins sisters' pair of pulpy trashy disco bollocks were actually popular in England upon release. Clearly nudity & sex were finally humping their way onto the big screen, after years of over-cautious suppression by the arch enemy of the state: the BBFC.
Joan Collins clearly revels in playing snide sexy women... she's made a career out of playing roles like this, and who can blame her? Well, Krystal Carrington, presumably.
In these films she is playing (wait for it) Fontaine Khaled, a name so poorly concieved that a dead monkey could do better. The Stud here is smug, pouting bell-end Tony Blake (played by smug, pouty Oliver Tobias). He is the manager of a popular disco in ever so trendy Londinium. He -and so many others- are all fucking Fontaine Khaled, who happens to be the club owners wife. Oh dear.
Unfortunately for 'the irresistable Tony', he can't keep his cock in his trousers, so he also slips it to the club owner's daughter, which is clearly a slip too far, so he gets cast out of the business, losing all of his friends in the process. Yes, this is Jackie Collins' world... a world where women get what want... whatever the cost! - AIDS!
The Bitch (Gerry O'Hara, 1979)
Fontaine Khaled is back! And she eats men for breakfast. (And luncheon, and dinner, and supper... Did I mention elevenses?)
Ho-hum, the 80s. Easily the most insipid decade since time began. Made in 1978, but essentially an 1980s-era soft-porn disco picture, The Bitch celebrates the death of one decade, and the still-born birth of a new one. Tacky fashions, lurid sets, cheesy music and even cheesier, cliché-driven dialogue. I must say the original music created for this movie is rather good, though, especially the opening track by The Olympic Runners. Oh, and Ian Hendry is in this one as a gangster. Quelle surprise.
Sex. The Mob. Gambling. Breasts. Disco. Sex. Mafia. Dancing. Breasts. Perms. Breasts. Drink. Sex. Dance. Mafia. Glitter. Up the shitter. Breasts. Disco. Horses. Gambing .Sex. Disco. Gambling. Breasts. AIDS.
